Neighbor Day is on March 11th this year and every year. This year, it falls on a weekend, so we tend to do our Neighbor Day festivities on the closest weekday to the actual Neighbor Day, so we will do the Neighbor Day stuff this year on Friday, March 10, 2023.
Prepare for Neighbor Day about the way you would prepare for July 4, with stuff for the grill, snacks, beer and sodas. You won’t need to get fireworks, but you will need a stack of $1 or $2 bills. You will need a box of the big trash bags.
- Bribe your own kids, their friends and whomever with the individual bags of chips, cans of soda and dollar bills to help you pick up all the trash in the neighborhood. My kids like Gatorade Prime. I haven’t tasted the stuff, but they have a well-designed can. They also like Flamin’ Hot and other Frito brands.
- Bribe your adult friends with beer and herb to help you clear out the big stuff, like old tires, steel pipe, broken coolers and other trash out of the gullies, ditches and roadsides. My friends claim to like all the fancy microbrew stuff, but then I see them guzzle the same cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Tecate that I drink.
- Call your local 311 country municipal help line to get rid of the giant pile of trash you’ve made. Please don’t burn it, the smoke makes the children cough. If you don’t have 311 in your area then the local dump might let you dump it there for free. In my area, the dump charges about $100 per truckload, so we squeeze the bags of trash into the curbside pickup cans.
And of course, the true spirit of Neighbor Day is to help your elderly and disabled neighbors with their home repairs and other acts of love and generosity.
Have a Happy Neighbor Day. Please don’t get too fucked up and don’t drink and drive, call a Lyft.